A teenage girl hugs her father to show her love and appreciation during the parent-child activity organized by Tzu Chi Singapore. (Photo by Li Meng Cai)
“Normally when I’m home, it never crosses my mind to serve tea to my parents. I had thought I’ll be very embarrassed today but seeing every one do the same, I gathered up my courage and served my parents tea.”
Zhu Wei Long, who seldom interacted with his family members, shared the above with some embarrassment. He has been a student in the Tzu Shao class for teenagers for two years, and it was a rare opportunity for him to take part in a parent-child activity together with his parents. The moment he saw the thank you card given to him by his parents, with the latter receiving the carnations that he had decorated, both he and his mother were moved to tears.
In Singapore, May and June are the months in which Father’s Day and Mother’s Day are celebrated. On 22 May 2016, 247 children from 163 families, together with their parents and guardians, attended a “filial piety activity” where the children were guided to express their gratitude to their parents. The event was jointly organized by Tzu Chi Singapore’s Parent-Child Bonding Class and the organization’s Tzu Shao class.
At eight in the morning that day, as the sun’s rays shone down on the hundred year old banyan tree in the compound of the Hokkien Huay Kuan Cultural Academy, Tzu Chings (members of the Tzu Chi Collegiate Youth Association), Tzu Chi Teachers’ Association members and education volunteers were on hand to welcome the parents and their children. The participants were divided into two large groups, and thus the heart-warming activity was conducted simultaneously in the hall, five classrooms, and two areas at the basement.
Expressing the Love Within with Courage
“Wow, how do I do (decorate) this?” “Teacher, I have no clue!” The children in the fourth level classroom were heard asking. A carnation, a few pieces of paper and ribbons look like a simple affair, but to the children, the process of decorating the flower was a task that presented some difficulty.
“Teacher, I’m done!” After some effort, the children were heard announcing proudly. At another corner of the building, parents and guardians were absorbed in the task of penning their inner thoughts to the children; besides sharing their frank feelings, they also made aspirations to strengthen the familial bonds between them.
Then, both parties with completed gifts in hand, proceeded to meet up. “Love is an interaction between hearts, don’t let it pass us by, let us say it out aloud......” as the parent and child teams hummed along with the tune, reading from the lyrics printed out in big font, Tzu Chings took the lead and soon everyone was whirling along with the music. The participants were all smiles as they clasped hands and embraced their family members warmly.
“The act of writing a card was an attempt to break the barriers,” commented Gan You Fa, who is normally busy with work. He also said that he realized the meaningfulness of the card writing session. Attending the day’s event with him was his two children and wife. A joyful Cheng praised the event for offering a platform whereby family members could express their love for one another.
“At home, we would tell our loved ones we love them, and whether we were happy or not, we would still express ourselves and set a good example for our children.” Cheng is of the opinion that one should be timely in expression in order to maintain good communication between the family and break down barriers.
A Sincere Interaction of Hearts
Apart from dressing up a carnation, the children also prepared a snack for their parents. At the basement space, yellow rice, seaweed, Goji berries, melon seeds and other ingredients were laid out on a long table. They children were given freedom to choose the type of ingredients that went into the making of the snack which they were to present to their parents. After this was done, they began practising how to serve tea.
What followed later was an emotional scene of red eyes on both sides as the children slowly walked into the hall bearing tea and snacks, positioning themselves in front of their own parents or guardians. Kneeling down, they served tea to their elders, and begin to feed them morsels of the prepared snacks by hand. Not only was the warmth of the food evident, even the warmth of their children’s hands was felt, and the letters that they had prepared were presented with both hands for their children’s reading.
Bai Shu Wei, who normally is in charge of manning the sound system at work, had temporarily abandoned his work post to attend the event with his nine-year-old daughter. He had spared no efforts to persuade her to come for the event, and took the opportunity to pen down his apologies in the card. He explained that on normal days, work stress resulted in his use of harsh words whenever he scolded her. Amidst the soothing background music, with the help of a stalk of carnation and a cup of tea, any unhappiness in the parent-child relationship melted away as his daughter embraced him.
Bai and his daughter had drifted further as he his concern for her well-being was expressed through strict discipline. Now, he said that he could consider accompanying his daughter in watching Korean dramas instead of nagging her to cut down on the number of hours she spends in viewing them. He thinks that it is more effective to be a friend to his daughter first so that she would be more willing to accept his advice.
“(I had) Good intentions but inappropriate methods; (I used) bad language knowing it was wrong, but could not help myself.”
Bai regretted his actions and wanted to change the way in which he communicated with his daughter. He quoted an advice he had received during the parent’s discussion session earlier: “Parents have the responsibility to hold their children’s hands in guidance. At the same time, they should remember to gradually ‘let go’ to allow their children’s confidence to grow.”
The appreciation ceremony for parents held at the Hokkien Huay Kuan Cultural Academy was attended by 499 people from 163 families. (Photo by Wong Twee Hee)
Zhu Wei Long (right) who had never thought of serving his parents tea before, overcame his embarrassment that day as he offered up some tea and fed them snacks. (Photo by Li Meng Cai)
The children hard at work decorating their carnations with coloured paper and ribbons. (Photo by Li Meng Cai)
In another corner, parents pen down their inner feelings to their children. (Photo by Zhuo Jia Ling)
Tzu Chings lead the children in singing. (Photo by Zhuo Jia Ling)
Parents Gan You Fa and Cheng Ze Jing communicate open-heartedly with each other and hope that their children follow their example by expressing their love in a timely fashion. (Photo by Wong Twee Hee)
With the spread of ingredients laid out such as yellow rice, Goji berries, seaweed, etc. and exercising some creativity, the children create snacks for their parents. (Photo by Zhuo Jia Ling)
Bai Shu Wei and his daughter bond as the rough patches in their parent-child relationship melted away under the soothing music, aided by a stalk of carnation and a card. (Photo by Wong Twee Hee)
Parents and their children sit close together enjoying their family interaction time. (Photo by Zheng Jing Yun)
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